Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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