This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
