your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
