Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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