I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
