Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
