So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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