Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize