Define "chronic" masturbator.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
