how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize