you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
