My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
