Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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