i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
