I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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