my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
