Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
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