I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Randomize