Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
