That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Hippo gnu deer
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
