So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
