dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
