I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
