and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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