My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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