you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
