how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
