We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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