Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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