Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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