and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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