My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
