I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Randomize