Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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