Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
