Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
