I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
