I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Girls should come with a carfax report
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
