is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
