I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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