Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
