She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
