Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
