I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
