Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
