At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
