i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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