yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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