I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
