I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
