i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
