just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
