i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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