My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
