Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
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