i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I need to calm my uterus...
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
