I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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