so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
