I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
