whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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