I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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