I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
operation have a gay friend backfired
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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