Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
