no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
