I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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