eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
